☆ Greetings, Illustrious Dean~

Translator: InkyDragon (https://inkydragontranslation.wordpress.com)

Word count: 2,6k

The scent of ginger, garlic, and chilli-laced fish wafted through the sterile hospital room, a welcome disruption to the clinical air.

Zhou Xiao Zhen, her earlier worries seemingly forgotten, skipped over to help Yu Xiao clear the table.

Nightmare watched them. He’d seen the trio massaging each other’s shoulders on occasion, after spending so much time together in the hospital room. His gaze lingered on Yu Xiao’s shoulders for a moment before he seemed to think better of it, quickly looking away.

“Misty,” Yu Xiao called out, her voice as soothing as ever, “come and eat.”

Zhao Lan approached the table, her expression carefully neutral. If Smiley wasn’t ready to speak about her latest escapade, she wouldn’t pry. There would be time later, she thought, for a discreet conversation with Smiley – just the two of them.

The three women and Nightmare settled down to their meal. Zhao Lan couldn’t help but find Nightmare’s fondness for fish fascinating. It seemed an odd choice for someone who, despite his cat form, was more human shaped monster than feline. Perhaps his spectral palate had undergone a transformation as well?

“Smiley,” Zhou Xiao Zhen piped up, carefully picking out the fiery red chilli peppers from the fish with her chopsticks, “Did you escape punishment again?”

“Hospitals are places of reason,” Yu Xiao replied smoothly, her face a mask of practised innocence. Over time, she had perfected the art of lying without so much as a flicker of guilt. “They wouldn’t wrong an innocent person.”

A loaded silence followed. Everyone, save for Nightmare, wore identical expressions of amused disbelief.

Zhou Xiao Zhen’s brow furrowed, her confusion endearing. Was Sister Xiao being serious? Zhao Lan, meanwhile, could only shake her head inwardly. If you’re going to lie, she thought, at least make it believable.

Fortunately, Yu Xiao was a master of misdirection. “Guess where I got this food?” she asked, her voice light, carefully casual.

“The trolley,” Zhao Lan stated flatly, already bracing herself for whatever elaborate fabrication Yu Xiao would conjure this time.

“Of course, it’s from the trolley,” Yu Xiao chuckled, leaning forward conspiratorially. “But I meant the ghost pushing the trolley.” She paused for effect, her eyes twinkling. “Remember the singing ghost from the morgue?”

“Ah?” Zhou Xiao Zhen blinked, momentarily stunned.

The memory of the morgue felt like a lifetime ago. Back then, they hadn’t yet met Nightmare, and Gu Shu had still been a promising attending doctor. As Zhao Lan pondered this blast from the past, Zhou Xiao Zhen chimed in, her voice tinged with curiosity. “The ghost who used to bring Gu Shu gifts? The one you always seemed to bump into, Smiley?”

“Exactly!” Yu Xiao exclaimed, her voice filled with mock enthusiasm. “That’s her.”

“But wasn’t she working in the morgue?” Zhou Xiao Zhen asked, her brow furrowed. “How did she end up delivering meals at the Sixth Hospital?”

“It’s quite the story, actually,” Yu Xiao chuckled, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “She was a bit of a hopeless romantic, you see. I’d convinced her to pursue Gu Shu. But recently, Gu Shu ran into some trouble, lost his job, and probably won’t have the chance to be an attending doctor again. The female ghost thought he was no good anymore since she didn’t fancy a ghost without a good job or income. So, she completely gave up on Gu Shu.”

Yu Xiao shifted on the worn hospital bench, her eyes widening. “Ghosts with a taste for luxury? Now that’s a new one!” she chuckled, shaking her head at the absurdity.

Zhao Lan’s laughter bubbled up, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “You have to admire her ambition.”

Beside her, Zhou Xiao Zhen dissolved into giggles, barely able to contain herself. Yu Xiao joined in, though her laughter was more subdued.

“Remember that strand of hair she gave me?” she said, her voice laced with amusement. “I couldn’t figure out what it was for until now. She’s been using it to track me down, took a job as a food delivery ghost at the Sixth Hospital just to find me. It seems she thinks we have a special connection and wants me to help her find a job where she can meet an impressive… male ghost.”

Zhou Xiao Zhen doubled over, clutching her stomach as laughter ripped through her. “Did you find her one? What about at the Ghostly Group, with Wen Rou and the others? They’re quite the catch. Although…” she paused, tapping a finger to her chin thoughtfully, “No, that wouldn’t do. They don’t have proper jobs, do they?”

Yu Xiao’s expression sobered. “I’ve already found her something. Just one small favour for me, and she’ll have a job with a decent, competent, and well-mannered ghost.”

Zhao Lan’s curiosity was piqued. “What kind of favour?”

Zhou Xiao Zhen frowned, her priorities clearly lying elsewhere. “And who is this paragon of ghostly virtue? Why haven’t I heard of him?”

Yu Xiao, choosing to answer the simpler question first, grinned. “It’s Tie Niu.”

Zhou Xiao Zhen’s jaw dropped. “What? Smiley, that’s just cruel!” she exclaimed, shocked. “Tie Niu might be decent and competent, but he’s very thin! Not exactly attractive.”

Yu Xiao’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Did I say anything about being handsome?”

Turning back to Zhao Lan, she explained, “I need her to transfer to the First Hospital as a food delivery ghost. She can help me connect with some of the living patients there.”

Understanding dawned on Zhao Lan. Yu Xiao’s request, although unusual, was clever. Since Tang Xing Yin’s discharge, their connection to the First Hospital had been cut off. Reaching out to anyone there, without a platform to use, was nearly impossible. But a cooperative ghost on the inside? That could be their way back in.

Zhao Lan nodded, assuming Yu Xiao’s request came from the frustrating lack of response from Teng Jing Zhi’s contacts. Expanding their network among senior ghosts was always a good idea.

**

Being a food delivery ghost was hardly prestigious. It was a transient role, a stepping stone until something better came along. Turnover was high in all hospitals.

The work itself varied drastically. Newer hospitals housed less experienced patients, ripe for a good haunting and more likely to surrender a tasty treat. Older hospitals, with their seasoned and powerful patients, rarely offered a reward worth the effort, even if the haunting was successful.

There were no barriers, no formalities when the female ghost requested a transfer to the First Hospital. It was granted immediately.

The atmosphere at the First Hospital was different, heavier, but she barely noticed. A few more days, she thought, just a few more days, and I’ll be working at St. Elizabeth’s, rubbing shoulders with the esteemed Dr. Tie Niu. Everyone knew St. Elizabeth’s was the premier institution for ghosts of discerning taste.

Her anticipation grew with each step as she pushed the meal cart down the dimly lit, antiquated corridors of the First Hospital, a cheerful hum escaping her lips and echoing through the halls.

“Knock, knock, knock.” She stopped in front of a door, her spectral senses easily discerning the living from the dead within.

The persistent rapping of ghostly knuckles echoed through the hallway, but silence met the female ghost’s offer. “Hello? A complimentary dinner? All I need is your phone number!”

A gruff “Clear off!” boomed from within, cutting her short.

Her shoulders slumped. Persuading the living to share their digits for her boss was proving trickier than she’d imagined. Still, a good job – and a handsome husband – were powerful motivators.

With a determined shove of her food cart, she rolled on, stopping at the next door. “Knock, knock, knock. Hello! Free dinner, anyone? All I ask in return…”

“Get lost!!”

“…”

The cart, seemingly unfazed by the rejections, continued its rumbling journey down the desolate corridor.

Dinner had done wonders for Yu Xiao’s mood. Phone in hand, she resumed her grim task, working her way down Teng Jing Zhi’s contact list. Cases of being replaced, it seemed, were rare. Most numbers were disconnected or out of service.

Two, however, rang. No answer, but they rang, indicating someone could pick up. It was more than she’d had before. Yu Xiao carefully noted the numbers, a spark of hope igniting in her chest. She’d try again later.

Nightmare, observing her from his perch on the bedside table, understood one thing with absolute clarity: usefulness equaled job security. Yu Xiao might have agreed to let him stay, but he wasn’t about to get comfortable. He wanted to be more than just “allowed” – he wanted to be essential, more so than even Zhao Lan and Zhou Xiao Zhen.

No, scratch that. He wanted to blow them out of the water.

As Yu Xiao set down Teng Jing Zhi’s phone, reaching for her own to call Lu Xu, Nightmare materialised beside her.

Yu Xiao hesitated, clutching the phone in her hand. “What’s up?”

Nightmare fixed his gaze on her. “You have many friends who can’t sleep. Perhaps I could be of service?”

A wave of warmth washed over Yu Xiao. He was so proactive, so thoughtful. It wasn’t as if he was obligated to help – he wasn’t really her subordinate, after all – but he never made her feel awkward about asking.

Overwhelmed, she instinctively lifted her hand, then froze, remembering Nightmare wasn’t a cat anymore. Stroking him seemed…inappropriate.

But Nightmare, ever attuned to the subtlest of cues, was already nuzzling his head against her palm.

Yu Xiao was speechless.

“Alright, thank you,” she finally managed, a small smile twitching at her lips. “I’ll call them, see if they’re interested.”

She dialled Lu Xu’s number.

“Smiley! You remembered me! I heard the news, three new titles! Dragon God! You’re my idol…”

“Enough with the flattery,” Yu Xiao cut him off, amused. “How’s business?”

“Not bad, not bad,” Lu Xu said, his voice slightly muffled. “Just cleared a dungeon, still sorting through the loot. I’ll send the orders over when I’m done.”

“What are you even doing?” Yu Xiao asked, puzzled. “Why’s your voice so weird?”

“Uh…” A beat of silence. “Toilet.”

“Oh.” Yu Xiao paused. “By the way, how’s Luo Jin?”

“Same old, same old,” Lu Xu sighed. “We’re sleeping separately now.”

Yu Xiao, recalling Wang Dong Dong’s similar sleeping arrangements back at the Second Hospital, continued. “Well, I haven’t figured out the Yin energy thing yet,” she said, “but I think I have solved Luo Jin’s nightmare problem.”

“!!!”

A flurry of rustling sounds erupted from the other end of the line – toilet paper, fabric… Yu Xiao could practically hear Lu Xu scrambling to get decent.

Yu Xiao heard the toilet door creak open, followed by Lu Xu’s triumphant shout. “Luo Jin! You’re saved, buddy!”

Luo Jin slumped by the window, the epitome of despair. His cannibalistic dreams had become so frequent that sleep provided no relief. He couldn’t even escape into the nightmare – he would jolt awake, heart pounding, needing every ounce of willpower to close his eyes again. Some nights he managed a restless doze, while others were spent staring into the darkness until dawn.

He huddled in his chair, his gaze empty. Lately, Lu Xu had taken over most of their business transactions. Luo Jin despised having to depend on him like this, but he simply didn’t have the energy.

He barely reacted as the toilet door burst open and an exuberant Lu Xu bounded towards him.

“You’re saved!” Lu Xu declared, practically vibrating with excitement. “Yu Xiao says she can solve your dream problem!”

Luo Jin’s head snapped up, a flicker of hope igniting in his eyes. “How?”

“Er…” Lu Xu stumbled. In his eagerness to share the good news, he had forgotten to ask for details. He thrust his phone at Luo Jin. “Here, you talk to her.”

“Hello?” Luo Jin’s voice was cautious. “Is it true? Can you really help?”

“I can,” Yu Xiao’s voice was reassuring. “I won’t bore you with the details now, but trust me, it’s taken care of. Now, are you ready for a good night’s sleep?”

Luo Jin’s shoulders slumped. “I want to be,” he admitted, “but I’m terrified to even try.”

“Don’t be.” Yu Xiao’s voice was firm. “Get into bed and close your eyes. I promise, no more cannibalism nightmares.”

With a mix of hope and trepidation, Luo Jin took the phone and crawled into bed. Exhaustion overtook him quickly, and he drifted off, still holding the phone in his hand. Lu Xu watched with bated breath. Time passed, but Luo Jin slept on, peaceful and undisturbed.

Lu Xu let out a silent cheer of joy and grabbed the phone to thank Yu Xiao, only to find that the call had ended. He quickly sent her a message instead.

【Next time we crawl, let’s team up, yeah? No outsiders, just us.】

Yu Xiao, about to call Yu Qing Lang, paused, a wry smile curling her lips. Lu Xu clearly didn’t realise that she was now mingling with the big shots of the Second Hospital; his offer was meant as a genuine gesture of gratitude. And to be fair, he and Luo Jin were a step above your average instance crawler.

Not that she had much chance to crawl any instances lately. She had been keeping a low profile, waiting for news from the singing ghost, her free time spent meticulously drawing talismans.

That day, the female ghost finally received a response to her persistent knocking.

A gruff voice echoed from the darkness beyond the doorway.

“Do ghosts even need a phone number these days?”

The ghost, sensing the distinct aura of ‘someone-who-shouldn’t-be-messed-with’ emanating from behind the door, squeaked, “It’s not for me, master. Someone requested it.”

A beat of silence, thick as congee, then a voice like crackling paper, “Who?”

“A… most esteemed… a patient from the Sixth,” the ghost mumbled, the honorific slipping out instinctively despite her fear.

A dry chuckle slithered from behind the door. “Does every patient from the Sixth Hospital require the grand title of ‘most esteemed’?”

Humiliation burned hotter than ghost-fire. This was supposed to be a simple job, a quick exchange of favours. Yet, here she was, days later, sweating Yin energy after her first successful door knock.

“She’s special,” the ghost insisted, voice trembling like a plucked guqin string. “I used to work at the Sixth. She promised me a cushy afterlife gig if I could snag a living number from the First.”

The voice behind the door took on a bewildered tone. “A patient offering you a job change?”

“Not just any patient,” the ghost declared, puffing up her chest. “Dean Saint Elizabeth herself! A woman of great influence.”

Silence again, then a sigh that seemed to carry the weight of a thousand restless spirits. The person behind the door, clearly amused, thought the ghost might not be entirely sound of mind.

However, with nothing better to do, she decided to indulge. “If I give you my number, will your dead brain remember it?”

“Aiyah, no need to mock,” the ghost huffed, scrambling for her phone. “I’ll jot it down.”

“Achoo!”

Yu Xiao sneezed as her patience wore thinner than paper money offerings. She decided to stop waiting for the incompetent ghost and dive into the instance. ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ had a;ready called, and he was raring to go. There was no point in delaying the inevitable.

Luo Jin and Lu Xu could use a good haunting anyway. Two from the Fourth, three from their own ward, plus Brother Bed… six in total. She might as well invite Yu Qing Lang and Wang Dongdong too. The more, the merrier.

“I still want to live another five hundred years…

Her phone buzzed, the caller ID flashing the singing ghost. Honestly, that one had the work ethic of a hungry ghost at a vegetarian feast.

“Finally decided to grace me with your presence?” Yu Xiao snapped into the phone. “What have you been doing, composing a ten-thousand-verse opera about the woes of collecting phone numbers?”

But instead of the familiar ethereal warble, a smooth, androgynous voice greeted her. “Greetings, illustrious Dean~.”

─── ❖ ── ☆ ── ❖ ───